Great things come to those who bake! Nothing is quite so soothing as the sound of your stand mixer whirring as it creams butter and sugar; nothing is so rewarding as a beautiful pie just out of the oven. This post is dedicated to those brownie lovers, pie perfecters and cake makers, and it’s filled with things that only bakers will understand.
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1. You really, really, really love your stand mixer.
If your house was burning down and you could only choose three objects to take with you, chances are your stand mixer would be one of them. As a side note, of course your stand mixer absolutely has a name. Doesn’t everyone do that?
2. Weddings are really all about the cake.
At any given wedding, your first question is not where the bride’s dress came from, it’s not how the bride and groom met, it’s not how ridiculous the bachelor/ette parties were. You’re zeroing right in on the cake: Where is it from? How many tiers? These things matter!
3. The first slice is rarely pretty.
It’s undoubtedly delicious, but the first slice of something baked in a deep dish, such as pies, brownies or cookie bars, is typically not the most pin-worthy specimen. It can be tricky to cut and extract that first slice, but afterward, there’s more of an opening to cleanly extract succeeding slices.
4. Rainy days = sad meringues.
If there are rain clouds in the sky, it can reduce the odds of attaining beautifully cloud-like meringues. The humidity affects how your egg whites will puff up when whipped; there’s simply no way around it. Following the proper techniques for making perfect meringues can improve your chances of attaining the meringues you desire.
5. You can’t please everyone.
Picture this: You made the absolute prettiest cake and brought it to a potluck, only to find out that unbeknownst to you, two-thirds of the crowd is either vegan or gluten-free and can’t eat your masterpiece. Hey, it happens. Next time you’ll know to create something more suited to the dietary restrictions, and meantime, all the more for those who can eat it to enjoy!
6. You’re a walking buttercream dictionary.
You are a walking, talking, creaming and cooking buttercream know-it-all. There’s no confusing American-style, Swiss meringue, or French buttercream for you. You know exactly what makes each type of buttercream, and which type of cake is its best match.
(If you haven’t quite gotten to expert status yet, you can hone your knowledge with our ultimate guide to the different types of icings, glazes, and frostings!)
7. You have a sprinkle library.
Your sprinkle collection isn’t limited to “chocolate” and “rainbow.” Itemized by size, color or shape, your sprinkle collection is comprehensive. Whether it’s sixlets or white nonpareils or even heart-shaped varieties, you’ve got the right version for the job.
8. Your queue of “to-bake” items is epic.
Sure, you’ve got a file of recipes that are on your radar as “must-bake” items. From that beautiful magazine-cover pie recipe to the recipe for that viral brownie trend on Pinterest, your file is packed with more recipes than you could ever hope to create. You’ll get to it. One day…
9. You are the go-to dessert person.
Invited to a party? You’re bringing dessert. It’s such a well-known fact that it’s not even discussed anymore. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.
10. There is a difference between salted and unsalted butter.
Why use unsalted butter and salt in a recipe when you could kill two birds with one stone and just use salted butter? Because the amount of salt can vary, and you prefer to control the salinity of your desserts, thankyouverymuch.
11. Team pie or team cake? You have a side.
It’s the baking world’s equivalent of “Team Coke” or “Team Pepsi.” Are you pro-pie or pro-cake? Sure, you love both, but you love one just a little bit more than the other, and you’re not afraid to declare it to the world!
12. Not all flour is the same.
If a recipe simply says “flour,” you narrow your eyes. What kind of flour? There are so many different types! You know that all-purpose flour, cake flour and hard wheat flour will all yield decidedly different results, and you want to use the best variety for the job!
13. The infinite sadness of forgotten sugar.
Usually, you’re a master of mise en place, but every baker has had terrible that moment where they realize that they’ve put the dessert in the oven sans sugar (or flour, or eggs, or something else important). The sadness is deep.
14. Frost is a verb to you.
When you hear the word “frost,” your first association is not a harbinger of snow. You think of “frost” as a verb, particularly as it relates to cake. The vision that comes to your mind when you hear the word? An icing spatula smoothly gliding across the surface of a sea of buttercream.
15. Keep it cool when making pie crust.
There is a saying that “Pie crust is best made by somebody with a warm heart and cold hands.” You know it’s true, and you always work your pie dough on a cool surface for the most tender, flaky, perfect result.
16. You prefer precision.
You appreciate creativity, but when it comes to baking, you’re not going to “eyeball” the ingredients as you might when cooking. You prefer precision when it comes to measuring your ingredients: You know it’s the difference between a beautiful finished product and an unappetizing pile of sugary goo!
17. There is no stress like delivering a wedding cake
The only person more stressed out than the bride? You, when it’s time to transport the cake to the venue. It’s high-wire sort of endeavor, and you’re all too aware of every pothole, bump in the road, and driver who cuts you off as you toddle along the freeway at 25 mph with your hazard lights on.
18. Box cakes? No thanks.
Well, fine, you can have fun every now and again with a doctored cake mix recipe. But to make a box cake mix, use frosting from a can, and call it a real dessert? You’d never.
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